Terrorist Invasion

DISCLAIMER:  This content should be viewed as humorous and not taken any other way (for all you politically correct, all the time, people out there)!

Al-Qaida, Arabic for "the Base," is an international terrorist network founded by Osama bin Laden in the late 1980s. It seeks to rid Muslim countries of what it sees as the profane influence of the West and replace their governments with fundamentalist Islamic regimes (Bajoria & Bruno, 2012).

Many of Americans first introductions to Al-Qaida happened on September 11, 2001 when the World Trade Center’s twin towers were brought down in what is the biggest and most brazen attack by terrorists on U.S. soil ever.  I knew of them well before that, but only because of my participation in our very own U.S. Army.  I got out after the first Gulf War, but the conversation was already out there about militant terrorists groups like Al-Qaida.  So, thanks to all of you who have served, suffered and died doing your best to protect what we know as the greatest country on the face of the earth………….but all of that really has nothing to do with where this blog is going.  Not really anyway.

For the last six years, Kim and I have lived in our dream home on six acres south of Waverly, Iowa and North of Janesville, Iowa.  The Cedar River is across the highway, we are close to anything we want to do (sorta) and our nearest neighbor is 500 yards away.  Love it.  There is one little problem though……I’ve been fighting a war of my own. That’s right, I have my own group of terrorists!  They aren’t Muslim, although they are hairy.  They don’t carry the Quran, although it appears as if they could be with those big paddle feet of theirs!  They ruin grass, make it impossible to level a yard, basically, they cause “gardener stress related syndrome”.  And they cause me to pull my hair out…which is another problem all together, cause I really don’t have as much as I used too!

They are the Al-Qaida Moles!

I have tried everything. Water, gas, traps and even standing and waiting patiently with a shovel in my hand for them to make their move so I could end their pathetic, frustrating existence!  It has truly tried every thread of patience I have in my body.  Good thing I have a lot of it!

I decided, much like our own government, that I needed to identify the Al-Qaida Moles that were causing me the most trouble, then, systematically eliminate them from the face of the earth.  To effectively know whether or not I was successful, I developed a “Ten Most Wanted” list.  As an Al-Qaida Mole was eliminated from the list, another would take its place, kind of like the real terrorists group.  There was a whole line of “terrorists” just waiting to be the next Mole Bin Laden.

I recently, much like our own Armed Forces, feel that I have started to gain the upper hand.  This past week alone, I was able to eliminate Al-Qaida 1A and 1B.  I also got #’s 2 & 5.  Mole #3 and 4 may have expired from residual activities related to eliminating this particular terror group that I just wasn’t aware of at the time.  There hasn’t been any activity in their areas of operation, so I’m hopeful.  If that is truly the case, I really only have 6-10 left on the original list.  Of course, as I said, there is always another just waiting to add his picture to the top 10 and I’m always watching for them to try and keep them from getting to number one.  Since I was so successful this week, I’m going to need to juggle my list a bit, moving the current #3 to the #1 position and #4 to #2 until I can verify their demise. I would post photos as evidence but these would be far too traumatic for those with weak stomachs.  I’d also post those surveillance videos of night time activities, but the .270 with night vision is probably overkill and I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I had totally lost my mind with this endeavor.

So, while I continue my quest to secure the borders of my little piece of heaven, and protect those that I love, I’m sure there will be setbacks. However, I will strive to rid the world of Al-Qaida Moles and their off spring, in an effort to not only protect my interests, but the interests of my friends and neighbors, not matter how far away they happen to be.

Bajoria, Jayshree & Bruno, Greg (2012). Backgrounder, Al-Qaeda, retrieved from website: Council on Foreign Relations, www.cfr.org/terrorist-organizations/al-qaeda-k-al-qaida-al-qaida/p9126