DISCLAIMER: This content should be viewed as humorous and not taken any other way (for all you
politically correct, all the time, people out there)!
Al-Qaida, Arabic for "the Base," is an international terrorist network
founded by Osama bin Laden
in the late 1980s. It seeks to rid Muslim countries of what it sees as the
profane influence of the West and replace their governments with fundamentalist
Islamic regimes (Bajoria & Bruno, 2012).
Many of Americans
first introductions to Al-Qaida happened on September 11, 2001 when the World
Trade Center’s twin towers were brought down in what is the biggest and most
brazen attack by terrorists on U.S. soil ever.
I knew of them well before that, but only because of my participation in
our very own U.S. Army. I got out after
the first Gulf War, but the conversation was already out there about militant
terrorists groups like Al-Qaida. So,
thanks to all of you who have served, suffered and died doing your best to
protect what we know as the greatest country on the face of the earth………….but
all of that really has nothing to do with where this blog is going. Not really anyway.
For the last six
years, Kim and I have lived in our dream home on six acres south of Waverly,
Iowa and North of Janesville, Iowa. The
Cedar River is across the highway, we are close to anything we want to do
(sorta) and our nearest neighbor is 500 yards away. Love it.
There is one little problem though……I’ve been fighting a war of my own. That’s
right, I have my own group of terrorists!
They aren’t Muslim, although they are hairy. They don’t carry the Quran, although it
appears as if they could be with those big paddle feet of theirs! They ruin grass, make it impossible to level
a yard, basically, they cause “gardener stress related syndrome”. And they cause me to pull my hair out…which
is another problem all together, cause I really don’t have as much as I used
too!
They are the
Al-Qaida Moles!
I have tried
everything. Water, gas, traps and even standing and waiting patiently with a
shovel in my hand for them to make their move so I could end their pathetic,
frustrating existence! It has truly tried
every thread of patience I have in my body.
Good thing I have a lot of it!
I decided, much
like our own government, that I needed to identify the Al-Qaida Moles that were
causing me the most trouble, then, systematically eliminate them from the face
of the earth. To effectively know
whether or not I was successful, I developed a “Ten Most Wanted” list. As an Al-Qaida Mole was eliminated from the
list, another would take its place, kind of like the real terrorists group. There was a whole line of “terrorists” just
waiting to be the next Mole Bin Laden.
I recently, much
like our own Armed Forces, feel that I have started to gain the upper
hand. This past week alone, I was able
to eliminate Al-Qaida 1A and 1B. I also
got #’s 2 & 5. Mole #3 and 4 may
have expired from residual activities related to eliminating this particular
terror group that I just wasn’t aware of at the time. There hasn’t been any activity in their areas
of operation, so I’m hopeful. If that is
truly the case, I really only have 6-10 left on the original list. Of course, as I said, there is always another
just waiting to add his picture to the top 10 and I’m always watching for them
to try and keep them from getting to number one. Since I was so successful this week, I’m
going to need to juggle my list a bit, moving the current #3 to the #1 position
and #4 to #2 until I can verify their demise. I would post photos as evidence
but these would be far too traumatic for those with weak stomachs. I’d also post those surveillance videos of
night time activities, but the .270 with night vision is probably overkill and
I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I had totally lost my mind with this
endeavor.
So, while I
continue my quest to secure the borders of my little piece of heaven, and
protect those that I love, I’m sure there will be setbacks. However, I will
strive to rid the world of Al-Qaida Moles and their off spring, in an effort to
not only protect my interests, but the interests of my friends and neighbors,
not matter how far away they happen to be.
Bajoria, Jayshree
& Bruno, Greg (2012). Backgrounder, Al-Qaeda, retrieved from website:
Council on Foreign Relations, www.cfr.org/terrorist-organizations/al-qaeda-k-al-qaida-al-qaida/p9126
